Balance, is there really such a thing?!

Ok here's the truth I've started about 5 different blog posts and meant to finish and post them all buuuut #momlife so here's a miss match of different blogs that I'm sure will feature my current mom brain enjoy 😜

Balance, finding balance with 2 kids........

Balance... hmm I'd say more like juggling. So how do you be an amazing  wife and mother. Eat healthy, get your exercise in, remember to brush your teeth, get ready make meals.... the list goes on! The secret is......Wait for it..... 

you settle the crap down give yourself some grace and take it one day at a time!!! Some days I truly feel like I'm rocking it! And some days i just want to curl up in a ball, cry and drink all of wine!! Nobody has it together 100% of the time and that is more than OK! Give yourself a break you are doing great, your kids love you and the sun will come out tomorrow. 

For the most part I would say I am a positive person! I mean we all have our breaking points but 90% of the time I look for the rainbow after the storm. My mom often refers to me as the "peace maker" of the family. I absolutely hate confrontation. I may not agree with what you say or do but I will always be kind. And if I'm not asked point blank what my opinion is I will not give my opinion because I don't want to fight with you. I am very grounded in my beliefs and I don't need to argue my opinions to feel validation. I've always been like that. I don't like fighting I don't like drama so I stay out of it at all costs! I grew up in a family of 5 I'm the middle child and 4 out of five of us are females....so I have learned from experience! 

I totally think momming is 1000 times easier when you are positive and look on the bright side! Plan and do fun things, Get out of your house, and get yourself some great mom friends!! Some of the ways I find "balance" are by going to my moms, having a girls night, waking up early to have some me time, exercising during naps, going on walks aka getting out of the house!!, play group, play dates, getting my eye lashes done and getting my nails done. 

This time around post baby has been a whole new experience then with Lane! First of all Lane was up every 2 hours if not sooner for the first year of his life so I was basically just a zombie! We struggled with breast feeding for 11 long months which now that I think of it I could kick myself for!! I had plugged ducts, mastitis, and it was just never easy for us. This time around I was fully ready for the same experience except Ellie latched right away and things seemed great.....at first. Soon I realized every time I'd feed her she would be so gassy and so fussy. I tried feeding her more, cutting things out of my diet, ovol drops, gripe water etc! You name it I tried it she would just fuss and cry and it was SO hard especially with an adjusting 3 year old. I'll never forget the day Matt came home and told me enough was enough and to try the lactose sensitive formula! I was so scared and ashamed and emotional (hello hormones!) But I tried it and it was amazing! She was able to keep

It down she was way less gassy and so much happier! Things only got better from there! Today I am NOT ashamed to say she is formula fed! Yes breast is the healthiest option if you can do it. But it was not for Ellie! She has done so well and is flourishing in the growth and development charts! Formula feeding has been so great for us because Matt has been able to help out so much more! I can still go on dates with Lane and not worry about getting home in time to nurse. It has been so much easier this time around to find time for me, which in turn makes me a better mom, wife and all around person. Not to say you can't do that when your breastfeeding! You totally can I just didn't! I feel like you figure a lot of stuff out and don't sweat the small stuff as much the second time around! 

Something I have had to overcome with motherhood is that honestly... nothing goes as planned anymore! And for me that's hard. I do well with routine and with a schedule. I've had to let go of that a bit and realize that there is no point in stressing over the little things! Like last week for example I had plans to go meet two of my girl friends for a play date but Ellie had an awful night and was coughing and congested so I didn't dare expose their kiddos to it! I was and am still SO bummed!! Another thing I have had to overcome/ over compensate for is being on time! If you know me, you know I'm the be there 15 min early type person I may sit in the parking lot until I have to be there but I like to be early! So I've learned to be more flexible with this! Instead of saying a specific time I now say I'll text you when I'm on my way!! Lol 

I feel like I still barely know how to be a mom of two but we roll with it! I swear I always forget something and if my head wasn't attached I'd forget that too!! I feel like I'm continually juggling everything but lucky me I have the BEST support system who help with almost anything when I take the time to ask! For example after a very long week of my amazing hunky lineman husband working ALOT of over time I was exhausted and just really feeling like I needed a break and before I could even talk to Matt about it he suggested I take a night off, so on the weekend me and one of my besties went on a girls night! It was SO nice we laughed and talked about our kiddos we enjoyed our supper with no interruptions and we even got to eat it when it was still hot 🙌🏼 #momwin we both of course missed our kiddos but it was just so nice to catch up! We most definitely drank way to much but we had the BEST time we danced our little hearts out and for a few hours we were just us! Ok now I want to address the SHAME that gets thrown at moms when they decide to go out and enjoy a night kid free.... because I've gotten it and I'm sure I will forever continue to get it. And to all you haters keep on keeping on! I had such a great time and I'm a damn good Momma and I whole heartedly believe that I'm being a better mom by taking some time for myself to reset, recharge and come back to my kiddos feeling great and missing them like crazy! You do not have to give up who you are when you become a mom. I know how important it is to still work on yourself and do things you are passionate about. You still need to chase your dreams and be happy! Your kids want a happy mom! A mom that inspires them and teaches them to take care of themselves, love themselves and to have FUN!! Life is what you make it people, make it fun!! 

We all have bad days, we all have great days and we all have pretty good days! I hope you can all see the beauty in each day. I always try to before I go to sleep at night to thing of 3 great things that happened that day it instantly puts a smile on my face and helps me to get a good night sleep! Try not to sweat the small things Momma's we are all just doing our best! 

              Xo Ashylla 

A day in my life with 2 kids

"Is it too early for wine?!" I thought to myself at 4 pm " yes!! I had better at least wait till 4:30 when my hubby is home, at least he better be home at 4:30 or else.... (he worked all day and all night yesterday) **** annnnnyways 

Honestly there were parts of today that were so great and I'll cherish forever like this morning when Ellie got her 2 month shots and when she started to scream cry Lane came running over to give her multiple kisses on the head and say "it's okay missy mooey Lanes here!" Seriously such a tender moment! And then there were parts of today that I felt like the worst mom ever and lost my patience way To much....

Having a child is hard but having more than one is dam right exhausting!! Seriously kudos to the people out there who have more than two! I think your CRAZY but good for you!! Don't get me wrong I adore my kiddos and I love being a mom and I think about 80% of the time I'm a dang good little Momma! But there's that 20% of the time that I spend taking deep breathes venting to my sisters taking my frustrations out on my workouts annnd drinking wine. 

Whoever said terrible twos was the worst was a huge fat liar!! 3 is down right hard!!! Lane is so stubborn and I find myself threatening to send him to his room and sending him to his room more than I would like!! "Just freakin listen child!!!" Lol good thing he's the cutest thing ever and most of the time such a sweet little man... okay maybe like 70/30 but hey who's counting

When we got home I tried to lay Ellie down for a nap but the poor girl was so clingy and sad post shots that I decided we should just go for a walk. I asked Lane numerous times if he needed to go to the bathroom and be said NO so off we went we walked down to subway for some Lunch just as we were sitting down to eat Lane HAD TO GO (of course) so I try to pack up what I can on my stroller while Ellie is crying and wheel my stroller into the small bathroom so Lane can go to the bathroom! FML Ellie scream cried the whole time we were in the bathroom so sorry to all of the people trying to enjoy there lunch in subway while Ellie scream cried in the bathroom. We finally got out of there ate some lunch/rocked the stroller back and forth and put the soother back in Ellie's mouth while trying to get Lane to eat his lunch and not totally loose my mind. I finally got Ellie to sleep and we made our way back home. 

We stopped in at the source because I really wanted to get a new Fitbit mines been broken for awhile and I really missed it so Lane promised not to touch anything and we went in he did really good and listened for the most part I picked out my Fitbit and then I noticed there was a remote control car on sale for 15$ so I thought what the heck Lanes been so good (in here) I'll reward him and get him this car (plus it will buy me some time to clean my disaster of a house before daddy gets home and maybe get supper on the go if I'm lucky) Lane could hardly wait to get home. We got home and once I finally got the dam thing out of the package and the batteries in it (while Ellie scream cried) it was already quarter to 3 ah soo I one handed (Ellie was in my other arm because the poor girl was so sad and clingy post shots) speed cleaned my house through the chicken in the oven and finally got Ellie down. 

Lane really needed a hair cut so I decided to do it on my own (usually Matt helps to distract him and hold him still while I do it) I decided I wanted to try something new today why you ask?! Who really knows just feeling creative I guess.... well that was definitely not a good idea I thought it would be a good idea to give my 3 year old BUSY boy a hard edge comb over cut.... can you guess what happened YUP just as I was going to make the (straight line) hard edge he moved his whole head sooo needless to say I cried he cried and NOW he has a buzz cut. Thank goodness it's summer and that he's cute enough to rock it! 

We played turtles till daddy got home made supper while daddy tried to console Ellie and then I tried not to cry every time I looked at Lanes shaved head! I'm not even mad at him I'm mad at myself for thinking it would be a good idea! Dam you Pinterest and your stupid feed putting these cute boy hair cuts in my head! Lesson learned and hopefully his hair grows back fast!! 

Now both kiddos are in bed (hopefully for the night) and I'm sitting here exhausted but oh so thankful for those two beautiful babies. Yes some moments are so freakin hard but so many more are amazing! Now this tired Momma is off to bed xo

Ellie May's Birth Story

Ellie May's Birth Story

It was about 10:00 as I was watching all of my TGIT favourites. I started getting some painful contractions, nothing crazy but definitely painful. I finished my shows and let Matt know what was going on. I tried to go to sleep but was too uncomfortable so I got in the tub. I started texting my sister Jacie because I know she's a night owl and would still be up. She told me to download an app and start timing my contractions they were anywhere from 9- 2.5 min apart she told me I had better call my mom just incase since my mom is an hour away. I didn't know what to expect for early labour because with Lane I was induced! So I called my mom and paced my house timing my contractions for a good hour. They seemed pretty consistent but I was sure if this was "IT" my mom got here at 2 am and we went up to the hospital I was put on the monitor and assessed by the doctor and she told me it seemed like I was in early labour but was only 2 cm dilated. So back home we went to try to get some sleep I didn't get much because I was still on and off contracting but tried to rest anyways. My whole week had kind of been like this so I honestly didn't even think I was in labour. I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up. My mom took Lane home with her for the day and I prepped for my girl friends shower I was supposed to be throwing the next day (luckily I did this) my contractions never really went away but I never felt like they were getting any worse. I bounced on that dang yoga ball, walked around my house, got in the tub, ate pineapple... the list goes on, I decided to just get ready for the day because I probably wasn't having a baby today. So I put on my makeup and curled my hair and then headed down to finish up my shower prep for the next day, and then as I was making sand which roll ups for the I suddenly felt like it was harder for me to breathe. They were getting stronger so I told Matt we better go get checked out just incase. We headed up there at about 2:30 pm. I remember walking into the hospital and getting some "looks" ya know the ya right like that girl is in labour kind of looks lol. So the nurse had me put a gown on and came in to assess me. I remember thinking please at least be three cm! I have to be getting somewhere. Then she says oh Ya your 8 cm! I was shocked ok great! Can I still get the epidural?! Haha that's all I was thinking get that needle in me before I have to push! Right away Dr. Gelber was in there giving me the epideral, they assessed me and then broke my water boom contractions on top of contractions

I was breathing through my contractions and pushing that epidural button as many times as I possibly could. The nurse very politely informed me it was on a timer and I could 

only get more every 30 min but if it was therapeutic to keep pushing it! Haha my contractions were strong and I just had to focus on my breathing, my amazing hubby rubbed my back through every contraction and was the support I needed to get through it! Before I knew it the doctors were in there and it was push time so I gave that epidural one last 

push and hoped for the best! I gave one push and the doctors stopped me. she was coming! They got all of there equipment out and ready and no word of a lie next push she was here! In my arms

Ellie May Smith born at 5:40 on Friday April 28 2017. 6 lbs 13 ounces and 20 inches long. So perfect she let out one adorable little scream and then just looked up at me and was so alert. Oh man love at first sight that perfect little Angel had mom and dad wrapped around her little finger already! That is the most spiritual, amazing feeling having that baby on your chest after carrying her for over 9 months and then her finally being there in your arms, so perfect, so beautiful It's such a miracle, the most beautiful thing I have ever done, and lucky me I got to do it twice with two healthy beautiful perfect babies! My heart is so full and we are loving the new dynamic she has brought to our family. 

A special thank you to my amazing best friend Kelsey Livingston for capturing these beautiful moments. And for being a part of one of the best days of my life!! 😘 go check out her photos she is amazing! 

Get Out...... please!!

Hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman in her last few weeks of pregnancy!! Oh my gosh!! JUST GET OUT ALREADY!!! I swear I have been pregnant for eight bajillion years!! And to the reader who's thinking "they come when they come just be patient and enjoy it." You my friend can keep that commentary to yourself!!! Lol I am so ready to meet my little girl. And selfishly to have my body back! And by this I don't mean abs I mean just not have to harbour a human anymore!!! Lol I feel like I've tried just about anything and everything and read just about anything and everything I can find about naturally inducing labour. And as crazy as I may look or sound I'll keep on doing/ trying them till something works!! Yup I've bounced on my ball, ate spicy foods, ate my weight in pineapple, curb walked, worked out, yoga, baths, you name it I've probably done it today! Lol I feel crazy but I honestly just can't stop. I feel like I have everything ready for her to be here. I have been contracting since Sunday. I had a minor panic attack on Sunday when I got in the tub and couldn't feel her moving! Usually she moves around a lot when I get in the tub so I got out and laid on my side, still nothing! I was pushing on my stomach and patting, still nothing. I made a hysterical phone call to my amazing sister in law who is a labour and delivery nurse and she calmed me down and told me to go get checked. So I did! They did a stress test and everything was great she started to move around like crazy thank goodness! What a relief! The nurse said my contentions were pretty consistent and that she wouldn't he surprised if I was going into labour!! Yay but so far no such luck! Still contracting but nothing has worsened! I'm trying to be patient but let's be honest if you've ever been pregnant you KNOW the state of mind your in at the end! So I don't lie I'll keep on keeping on and do anything and everything I can to safely get her here!! Hopefully my next post will be about her delivery!!! Xoxo 

Baby-moon

Baby-moon

I highly suggest taking a baby-moon before you have a baby! Especially if it's not your first! I loved getting to spend one on one time with my hubby reconnecting and enjoying each other's company before this sweet baby girl comes.

I was honestly dreading packing for Vegas at 34 weeks pregnant I felt like a whale in every single thing I tried on! I ended up narrowing it down and tried to be ok with the fact that I wasn't going to feel overly pretty in Vegas! I honestly could not have been more wrong. Never have I got so many congratulations and people stopping to tell me how beautiful and great I looked. So thank you Vegas for boosting this pregnant mommas ego! It was pretty amazing that complete strangers would smile and come to talk to me about my pregnancy. It really opened my eyes to how one little comment and compliment can make your day!



We got lots of Cardio in this trip! We took the stairs every time and yes I got looked at like I was crazy!! Lol I loved exploring the strip hand in hand with Matt. We didn't have much planned other than BRITNEY!! And oh my gosh she did not disappoint! I was in absolute heaven and will never ever forget that experience. My hubby is THE best. It was so nice just relaxing, walking around, trying new restaurants, shopping and taking it all in. One of my favourite things to do is people watch and I can honestly say Vegas is hands down the best place for this. If you haven't been you should go! It's unreal, almost like it's own little world!




I honestly don't think I could have gone longer than 3 nights 4 days! We both missed Lane SO much! We found ourselves thinking about what Lane would do or say if he were there. He is seriously such a character and always keeps us on our toes. One of my favourite things he has been saying lately is "bet you didn't see that coming!" Pretty sure he got that from his dad! We love that little monkey so much and as I'm writing this we are on our flight from salt lake to Great Falls and I can hardly wait to hug Lane, I think I might cry lol I'll blame that on the pregnancy hormones!!


I am starting to get anxious now about this sweet girl coming! I'm so excited and so nervous! I worry about finding balance but I know I can, it will just take time. I'm so excited for Lane to be a big brother and to see their relationship grow. A friend told me this quote "the best thing you can do for a child is give them a sibling" and I think of the love and friendship I share with my siblings and I know it is SO true. My siblings are truly my best friends and I do not know where I would be, or what I would do without them!

I'm feeling very refreshed from our getaway and I'm excited to get home and get ready for this babe. Feeling so extremely loved and blessed! Life is so beautiful. Xo

Ashylla

Mom

Mom

A three letter word that I never knew held such purpose. The quicker time goes by the more excited and nervous this MOM gets.

I have absolutely loved these three years with Lane. We have this indescribable bond and love that I will never take for granted. It's been hard and it's been great. Messy and perfect. Lots of laughs and tears and learning for the both of us.

I lay awake at night and worry that my bond with Lane is going to somehow be weakened by the arrival of his baby sister. I never want him to feel second best, or put on the back burner. I don't know how I'm going to do it and adjust but I know I will do it with love. I will do my very best and I will always try to take the time to make them both feel loved, and special and to always remember that I am enough.

Us moms tend to think we need to be "perfect" but our kids don't need us to be perfect, they need us to love them, to teach them to be present and to be our best so they can be their very best.

I have 8 weeks left until our family will grow by one beautiful baby girl. I am trying to cherish these last weeks just me and Lane! He has decided he's too cool for naps now which has been hard on this 32 week prego momma, but we are adapting and I'm enjoying making him a part of my "me" time. He loves joining in on my workouts and he loves helping me prep and cook supper. Some days (most days) it would be 100% easier to get a good workout in by myself and to cook supper by myself but I'm learning patience, and I love the fact that he wants to be just like mom and help out.

I've been told by my massage therapist that I shouldn't be picking Lane up anymore... I guess 37lbs is a bit much for a mom in her third trimester but it's been so hard! Soon I really won't be able to pick him up, and soon he won't want me to! I've just started to sit and hold him (when he will let me!) lately he has been non stop wanting to race, play fight, nerf war, and play ninja turtles! I'm lucky if we get a few "breaks" during the day. when 8 o'clock bed time rolls around we are all ready for bed!!

I'm SO excited for Lane to become a big brother! I know the transition will take some time but I'm so excited to watch them learn and grow together.

I am so thankful for this beautiful life Matt and I have worked hard for and created together! I'm so thankful for that handsome hubby of mine! He works so incredibly hard to provide for our family! And then after a long day comes home and plays with Lane while mommy takes a break. He always knows when I need a good hug, back rub, coffee or a bubble bath. He is the best husband and daddy and I'm so thankful for him!! There is no one else I'd rather live this crazy bra life with!

As much as I hope these 8 weeks fly by so I don't have to be pregnant anymore and so I can hold this sweet baby girl in my arms. I also hope to truly enjoy and cherish these weeks as a family of 3! Being a mom has truly completed me and I am so very excited and maybe a bit nervous to become a mom of two! Life is beautiful when you do what you love. Xoxo

The best 3 years 💙

My whole life changed in a instant 3 years ago today. I will never forget the moment I held my sweet Lane in my arms for the very first time. True love at first sight! We have both learned so much these past three years and grown in so many ways. Being a mom is my absolute favourite thing and I will forever be grateful for the privilege of being Lanes mommy! My heart is so full as I write this blog post. I'm so thankful for my beautiful family and for their love. Motherhood is not easy, nor should it be! It is a gift and it truly completes me. It has taught me great patience, the importance of deep breathes, coffee and a good glass of wine (only 10 more weeks ppl 😜) I have changed and grown up and become a person I am proud to be. It's been three years of self discovery and learning to love myself and my family and learning to always put "us" first and I can hardly wait to add to our family and keep living this truly beautiful life we have created together!

We celebrated Lanes bday with my fam on Saturday before my parents left for Arizona! Here are a few highlights of that day

Today we woke up I made Lane his fav breaky "Cheesey eggs" while he played with his new TMNT sewer layer we are breakfast and chatted about what he wanted to do for his birthday. We played some turtles, snuck in a workout and then we got ready and went swimming. Lane is such a fish he loves the water! We enjoyed some lunch and I just layed him down for a nap. He fights me on them daily but he still needs them and I don't mind getting to snuggle him to sleep! 💙 tonight we are having the Yanke's over for pizza Lanes favourite and enjoying some more birthday fun!

On Saturday we are heading to wear m out to continue the celebrations with Lanes friends! Then Sunday we are going out to Nana's for another party ( holy parties I know!) Lane doesn't mind he loves getting a birthday week!

I am 30 weeks pregnant today!! So crazy only 10 more weeks till we meet our baby girl!! We are all so so excited!!

So much on this mom brain lately! I'm realizing how quickly my due date is approaching and how much more on top of things I was with Lane than I am now. Haha I need to finish the nursery, start thinking about my hospital bag, start getting all the "supplies" for post pregnancy! This is what I fear the most not birth! I'm excited for birth it's the after math of my body that I dread.... I'm trying not to think about it, because it's all coming back to me annnnd I'm a bit terrified lol good thing babies are so worth it!! I also am trying to get my post baby wardrobe sorted out! Nursing friendly, comfy but not frumpy.... you know all those important things! Haha sleeping has become even more of an issue I can't get comfortable and I cannot shut this mom brain off!! Things at the Smith house are great I am slowly but surely getting everything ready and prepared for the babe and enjoying and cherishing Lane and mine one on one time while we still have it!! I hope your all having a fantastic week!! Xoxo 😘